News coverage for Townsville, by Townsville.

Somewhat of a legend here in Townsville, Captain Cornelius Richards, perhaps better known as Captain Hangover, first made headlines here around sixty years ago when he became the youngest person to set sail around the world and make it back.

 

Over the years, Townsville natives have watched Captain Hangover's rise to fame and fortune crumble under an uncontrollable alcohol dependency and partying addiction. We have all watched him, wondering how much longer he could endure this lifestyle.

 

As of yesterday, however, we have our long-sought answer. Captain Hangover has announced that he will be retiring from sailing in the fall. Townsville boaters can rest easy in September knowing the water is now clear of the elderly drunkard.

 

However, per his usual style, Captain Hangover is not going out without a bang. He has also announced his intention to set sail on one last adventure in search of the long-lost treasure that has been rumored to be buried on Treasure Cove.

 

Even more of a surprise was Captain Hangover's request for applicants to his crew. He is quoted as saying "I'm looking for five qualified or unqualified people, it really doesn't matter as long as they can hold their liquor". Interested parties can apply by emailing Captain Hangover at hangovercaptain@gmail.com.